Thoughts on being a family of four.
A few minutes after Jules (my eldest) was born, I said to my husband: “Honey, I am afraid I want to expierence this feeling again.” I was so high on love and no drug can give a woman a greater feeling (at least that’s what I think, I never tried).
Jules was such an easy baby, so full of joy… He was just perfect. Until we heard he had a heart condition. Bye bye cloud nine, hello tears and sleepless nights filled with worrying and a lot of questions. Jules had to undergo an open heart surgery when he was only 11 weeks old. Why this little baby, why? But he was a champ and his heart is even more perfect now.
Would we really want to try to have another baby after going through all thàt? Well, yes. My maternal feelings were just too strong. I had to have another child. I can’t really explain that feeling but many of you will know exactly what I mean. When I was pregnant with our baby girl I started to think that it wasn’t possible to love another child as much as the first one. I guess the hormones got a hold of my feelings and thoughts… “And what about dressing two kids in the morning?!” “What about getting them in bad and bed when I would be alone at home with them?” “What if number two will be a crybaby?” “What if she won’t sleep at all?” “What if…” Eventually, I had to let those troubling thoughts go and just go with the flow. It would drive me mental if I didn’t.
After a few months of pelvic instability and nausea she was finally there. Jeanne. The most perfect little girl. No really, I do not kid you. And with her arrival my deep “maternaliwantanotherkid” craving vanished into thin air immediately. We are complete now. We have come full circle. My husband and I immediately asked if the doctors could check Jeanne’s heart. After we heard everything was okay, I could finally enjoy my new little family. I guess love doesn’t divide, but only multiplies.
How mushy is that? Yes, I admit I can be sentimental from time to time. The love between my 2 children is heart melting. Jules loves his sister to bits and whenever he is in the room Jeanne’s head turns to him and she smiles. Everything Jules does, Jeanne finds utterly interesting and funny.
She is 4,5 months now. I recently picked up work again and life is busy with two kids. Of course it is. Do I sometimes wish I could just crawl into bed and sleep for 72 hours straight!? Yes! Do I sometimes snap when one of them is being a pain? Yes! Am I a perfect mother? No! But I love my family of four. Yes. I do.